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No time to hate

 

Aron Visuals on Unsplash

Hey there, this article will help you on how we waste time hating others. Also, you might find some answer to a few question:

  1. Why do we hate?
  2. How to stop hating?
  3. How to love people?

Among other specular traits, I find creating disagreements between people is the most interesting one. We can see these conflicts between girlfriend and boyfriend and in our daily relationships. If we are eternal like Cain( Biblical figure in the Book of Genesis within Abrahamic religions.) We can fight, argue, hate, judge other. But the time we have now is merely sufficient for love. We were showered with a short span of life. By the time we realize that we do not have enough time by then, only a few would be left. Life is so short that sometimes we forget to repay the good your parents have done for us. Who knows when we will meet the person we bullied during college, schools. Do you remember a friend whom we used to treat rudely? All of a sudden, when these people vanish from your life, trust me, you are going to carry a guilt burden on your shoulder. Next time remember when you are about to hurt other people, think what you do if you were in their shoes. During my college years, I have seen people who had break-ups or faced rejection crying because there is no one to console them. We were in the second year of college our batch trip was approaching. A friend of mine said how much they didn't want to come for the tour because it might force him to spend time with people he did not like. A few intellectuals said that they would leave town during the Kodaikanal tour. Then the Covid pandemic happened, and there was no Kodaikanal tour as planned. That is how calculatable our lives were if you notice closely.

Recently, I watched Kapoor and sons, a Hindi film the story revolves around a dysfunctional family. There won't be a single scene without family fighting. The two brothers hate each other. The sons aren't fond of their parents, their father has an extra-marital affair. Every time the family wants a reunion. The circumstance rather leads them to brawls and tears. The family seems to be beautiful outside, but their insecurities, complexes haunting them inside. A great day for the family of getting a family photograph clicked, but the mother doesn't want to act like they are a perfect family. All seems okay in the film until the father met with an accident and passes away. See how predictable life is?


Why do people hate?

The price of hating other human being is loving oneself less 

Hate is a sequence of human emotions. Researchers believe that hatred is common among people, all people can hate. These reasons can cause the feeling of hatred:

  1. Feeling envious, People may consider it unfair when someone has what they lack in.
  2. Learning hatred from a community, family, society.
  3. Mistreated by others.

Mostly, people start hating others when they feel helpless or powerless. When they can not control their anxiety and shame inward, they may pour it in you. One major reason, we develop hate for others is that we hate more on what they represent than on specific actions they have taken. We think that the person has harmful intentions towards us. For example, When a teacher fails you in the exam, The teacher might not have any hostility for the student. But we might think that he failed us on purpose.


How to stop hating?

We hate someone when they hurt us or do things that bother us. It can be a bit tough to let go of your feeling, but you can. Talking to the person is the best you can do until it is helpful, without making an altercation. 

  1. Limiting your interaction with the person you hate is the best option. But don't completely ignore them. You may have to work with them in the future so, keep your conversation professional. 
  2. Spend time with them, so you can understand them better. It might seem awkward, but gradually spending time with the person you hate will help you in understanding them. 
  3. Get to the root cause of your hatred. Think of the reasons why they behave the way they do. They might be acting out of fear and insecurity. Try developing empathy for them.
  4. Apologize if you have acted stupidly. An apology can decelerate the effect of conflict.

How to love others?

If you are struggling to show your affection for others, you are not alone. 

  1. One of the most important ways to love people is that giving some time for them. Spend time with them. Try understanding them and it will make you more comfortable around them. This will reinforce your relationship.
  2. Accept them the way they are. Avoid criticizing them or suggesting them to change.
  3. Express your feeling appreciate them for what they do. Try to express your gratification for their presence in your life.
  4. When someone is in need, help them in doing things for them. It would help them tremendously if you lend your hand when they are in a time of need.
  5. One of the steps to love someone is to value the commitments you make to them. Keep your promises once you make the promise, stand to it no other go.

People are so used to hate others. My maternal grandfather did not waste his time over such things. He used to love everyone. I think hatred isn't as indispensable as people have made it. Life is so predictable that anybody can leave you at any point in time. There is so much to do only little we have accomplished. 
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